Wednesday, August 01, 2007 | 9:02 PM

First, a Happy Birthday (belated or early) to all the July and Auguts babies I know :)

I am feeling optimistic. In between huge bouts of self-doubt and mindless terror at what I have done.

And what have I done?

I applied for the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at NUS and I got in. Now I guess I understand ceratin reactions of people when I said I applied for FASS instead of the Science or Engineering faculties.

And as for me myself, my inner Arts student is having a deathmatch showdown with the Science student that has been me for 12 years. I am not exactly proud to say this, but whether it is because I am a Leo or it is just me, labels do matter very much to me.

And all along, I have always relished being a Science student. This despite my crying in front of my Civics tutor at the Meet the Parents session saying I dont want to go into Engineering. Or my consistently sucky Physics grades. ( See, it is the Leo in me. )

Okay okay, on top of that superficial reason, I do like the subjects and learning about them. Really. I think I like the structured teaching methods, with all the equations and formulas. I just like the academice environment and the people.

But I have never ever been able to see myself pursuing a career in the Science or Engineering field. Never ever. And I have been putting off the decision to pursue my interests academically since JC. Until time ran out and I had no choice, but to well, make a choice.

I have been memorising long chains of mumerals and symbols and chunks of paragraphs littered with more abstract terms than a Shakespear passage just to describe the motion of a projectile, drawing crooked graphs for more than a freaking decade. Sure as hell I can spend less than half of it continuing what I am been trained in, with what I am comfortable with, with what I know is a safe path.

But no, since the schizophrenic in me wants a career in none of the fields the abovementioned courses lead to, this means I have to look to Arts. And yes I find it there. But it is a huge step. A leap. A desperate lunge to cross this rushing stream which current is drawing me away from my dreams.

To land into rapids bringing me to a waterfall.

So, what have I done again?

I leapt.

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