Thursday, August 16, 2007 | 7:44 PM
It has been an interesting week.
And today has been a freaking cold and windy morning. Just finished balloting for the tutorials, so now it is gonna be a long wait till next week before the results are made known.
*plsplspls don't have my tutorials clash, i really don't want to crawl into the prof's office on two knees to beg for a swap*
Back to my week. Amazingly enough, the world is pretty small in FASS. I have met quite a couple of people from Andss and NY. Here's a brief mention. Emmalyn, VK, Pauline, Kar Wai, Fiona, Wei Han, Yvonne, Christine, Wei Qi, Pearl, Mei Yi and Sulastri. There is more I believe, just that I cant exactly recall offhand who. But yeah.
I am pretty blessed to have found people to attend lectures with for the week, and to have made friends with strangers for company on days when I don't. That is the thing about being new, I guess. You can get away with walking up to a complete stranger, start a conversation about the course packs, and the next thing you are exchanging numbers, and trading "See you next week for this lecture ah!"
And I have also been thankful for Bee's company. She is in PFM, but because of the proximity of our schools, we get to meet up pretty often for lunch and random chats :)
Recently, I have been heading to the computer lab and the library frequently after lectures. This is because Dr Madelena has uploaded two folders of readings which have to be printed out a la NY-lecture-style, and I can almost feel liquid gold vapourising into air (if that is scientifically possible at all) everytime I slot my cashcard into the card holder.
And I am familarising myself with the Central Library as well (which has to be the most perfect place for playing catching! ) because I think I would be doing a lot of studying there as well.
Anyway, travelling to school has been a major pain the ass. No matter I take the train to Jurong East or City Hall then switch trains, it takes roughly the same amount of time, one and a half freaking hours, which just plain sucks. Taking buses makes for an even longer journey. On a brighter note, I have been accomplishing quite a bit of my readings that way.
*mk grumbles off to get ready to go to school for a measly 2 hour lecture.*
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Saturday, August 11, 2007 | 12:40 AM
I know, everyone is struggling.
Struggling to get use to the feeling of having to get used to something new.
But somehow, everything is fine now. Something about this warm, sunny afternoon spent with a Neil Gaiman novel in my hands, and a song in my head has made everything right.
People who have watched Proposal Daisakusen should be familar with this song ba. :)
http://adtrapper.imeem.com/music/R1BVxOml/chiisana_koi_no_uta/
And this is one particular passage in Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman which I particularly liked,
"It made Richard feel as if he were thirteen yeards old again, listening to the Top Twenty on his best friend's transistor radio at school during lunch hour, back when pop music had mattered as it only can in your early teenage years."
I don't know. Watching Proposal Daisakusen, and reading Neverwhere all within the short span of two days seemed to be a conclusion of some sort for me. Somehow, something has ended without my understanding and knowing, and it is time for me to accept and finally, embrace it.
The starting of school is like the tastes of a vanilla ice-cream eaten during a breezy summer afternoon while flippantly strolling about in your flip flops.
* ( And yes there are many flavours to a vanilla ice cream cone indeed. There is Longing, Regret, Enjoyment, Joy, Contentment, Anticipation and Reluctance. And according to the ice-cream shop around the new corner, there are two new flavours coming out: Struggles and Acceptance. )
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Wednesday, August 08, 2007 | 7:35 AM
Something just doesnt feel right.
It has been bugging me for the whole week and I am still unable to put my finger onto what exactly is going on.
It may very well be my unemployment. This whole staying at home thing is driving me nuts. The fact that school is so far away means I cant just conveniently drop by for a light spot of reading up or to make pre-lecture preparation. I wake up, spend an hour poring over the news, many more hours spazing out in front of the com, then the TV, and the cycle repeats. If I ever get unemployed, I really oughta be chained up for everyone's good, and maybe get knocked out by a Maglite for my own sanity and safety. Otherwise I may very well decide to dress myself up as Batgirl and rid the world of its evils, seeing the other option would be to rot away at home into an un-identifiable lump of mass.
Or it may have something to do with the fact that brother dear seems to have absolutely no interest in his studies. Let's not even talk about mugging. It just irritates the hell out of me when I see him with the DS, or at the computer. And the whole situation has worsened to the extent that whenever Mum asks if he has completed his homework, he would start bringing up his whole moody-I-don't-want-to-go-university-I-want-to-go-to-poly act. I am fine with that, but once that verbal cannonball is launched, it turns Mum into... I also have no idea what it does to Mum inside her mind, but she is beginning to scare and stress me with all those lines she has been sprouting recently. It is all poisoning her mind and heart, what that sh*thead is mouthing off.
It might also be the fact that school is starting. Yeah. I am tearing myself into two, see-sawing from extreme jubilation and enthusiasm for a new bright and spanking start in life to attaining fear and stress levels of the Hulk magnitude. I am going mad.
I have listed whatever that is bugging me already. Why isn't the world righting itself? Why am I not feeling better?
Anyway. Bidding results are coming out now. Cheers.
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Wednesday, August 01, 2007 | 9:02 PM
First, a Happy Birthday (belated or early) to all the July and Auguts babies I know :)
I am feeling optimistic. In between huge bouts of self-doubt and mindless terror at what I have done.
And what have I done?
I applied for the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at NUS and I got in. Now I guess I understand ceratin reactions of people when I said I applied for FASS instead of the Science or Engineering faculties.
And as for me myself, my inner Arts student is having a deathmatch showdown with the Science student that has been me for 12 years. I am not exactly proud to say this, but whether it is because I am a Leo or it is just me, labels do matter very much to me.
And all along, I have always relished being a Science student. This despite my crying in front of my Civics tutor at the Meet the Parents session saying I dont want to go into Engineering. Or my consistently sucky Physics grades. ( See, it is the Leo in me. )
Okay okay, on top of that superficial reason, I do like the subjects and learning about them. Really. I think I like the structured teaching methods, with all the equations and formulas. I just like the academice environment and the people.
But I have never ever been able to see myself pursuing a career in the Science or Engineering field. Never ever. And I have been putting off the decision to pursue my interests academically since JC. Until time ran out and I had no choice, but to well, make a choice.
I have been memorising long chains of mumerals and symbols and chunks of paragraphs littered with more abstract terms than a Shakespear passage just to describe the motion of a projectile, drawing crooked graphs for more than a freaking decade. Sure as hell I can spend less than half of it continuing what I am been trained in, with what I am comfortable with, with what I know is a safe path.
But no, since the schizophrenic in me wants a career in none of the fields the abovementioned courses lead to, this means I have to look to Arts. And yes I find it there. But it is a huge step. A leap. A desperate lunge to cross this rushing stream which current is drawing me away from my dreams.
To land into rapids bringing me to a waterfall.
So, what have I done again?
I leapt.
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