Thursday, May 11, 2006 | 10:00 PM

I hate this weather. It is as if Mother Nature is undergoing some crazy mood swings, laughing madly at one moment, and crying buckets the next, maybe over some lousy hunk planet called Mars.

Of course, it is more likely that these crap are due to the effects of global warming. No thanks to the build up of carbon dioxide in at the atmosphere. And under the Kyoto protocol, carbon dioxide emmision has been labelled as a commodity and yes, it now subjected to all those economic theories of demand and supply.

Yay! Countries can now trade and sell "carbon credits"! Check out today's papers to find out more about how the whole thing works. It is kinda interesting actually, but I am in no position to comment of its effectiveness. Imperfect knowledge is such a pain in the behind.

Following my mental release for some issues more than 2 weeks ago, I have been a walking bag of optimism and delusion. Okay, I give that I am being intentionally blase about it, but yeah, it did felt like wearing an armour of self delusion and ignorance sometimes. But hey, I have not been getting mood swings. Aint that trade off worth it? *faux joy*

But actually it is worth noting something. It is like, we live out our lives everyday, and because it is such a routine, we tend to develop certain responses to certain situations. Like whenever we have class tests, for eg, maybe over time, I become accustomed to studying for it just a day in advance. So it is like conditioned response. But it may very well be this test which makes a teacher blow up over it because it could have been simple had I studied well for it. But in the past, maybe the teacher didnt so I assumed that the teacher wouldnt.

Or like, I have been teasing this person over something, and the person entertains, okay, patronises me by looking amused or entertained. So because this person has this positive reaction for the n times I do this, can I assume that I can keep doing it?

What determines all this is perhaps the sensitivity required and the self awareness possessed?

Perhaps if you do realise what you do may be a little provoking, maybe self awareness is what you need because it will save you from the person blowing up in your face when you realise that there is an occasion for such social obligations? Or like not repeating the same inside joke like for 3 consecutive days in a row?

Maybe that is why I am such a paronoid freak.

My point is, maybe we cant live everyday like yesterday. Then life isnt a 3 dimensional road anymore. It becomes a 4th dimensional roundabout.

Like you know when you play some really old fashioned games like Mario, you travel to the right side of the screen but magically appears on the left into a new map? Yeah, it is something like that, you get transported back to the point you were in. You just keep living the life you did for the past few weeks. Cox everyone is saying the asme joke, doing the same thing (homework) The boring routine life of a student thing I guess.

But isnt it tiring to consistently live life expecting all events happening to you as life changing events? Dont you get a sense of paranoia fearing that something you do or say but have a profound impact on others?

Acually I read somewhere that there are many parallel universes of ours. And that in those universes, only one action changes, ceteris paribus. For example, aty this point in time, with every other thing, and I mean every other thing in the sense that, the weather, oil prices, share prices, GE 2006 results, what every one is doing except for me being the same, in some other universe parallel to this, I could have suddenly choose to stand up and stretch. And simultaneously, another me could have just walked to the window and looked out. Or do something else.

So assuming that this is true, this will all subsequently set off chain reactions in th9se universes. Which means, probably, if we ever can prove that such unviverses exist, and if we ever can observe them, we wil finally be able to find out hw profound our actions have on others.

Like me discovering one day that me eating the last ice cream in the fridge leading to my spectacular failure for the physics SPA.

Right.

But well, since everyone is not that paranoid, so we just generally live our lives as we do, and as we have been doing. And because of our long lifespan, that one little insult you make to someone is relatively unimportant to the millions he is still going to recieve in the rest of the lifetime right?

I would love to wrap up by saying what we need is balance in our lives and that most of us are able to distinguish if our actions and words are capable of such stuff but usually, no one can. The only way to find out is after we have done it and observe what happens. Like how that person went into depression and onto a bingeing spree after we commented casually that his handwrting is a little messy that day coz we were the 10th to say so and he reached his limit.

But actually, I believe while one single event does have much effect, everything adds up. That the person didnt blow up because you tease him on a bad day. But because you have been teasing him on his bad days for the past 3 times.

That I failed my exams not because I didnt study the night before. But because I didnt do my tutorial for that topic, didnt listen to the lecturer for the topic and compounded with the fact that last minute revision meant I didnt absorb like 80% of the topic, I failed the test.

Of course there are so many ways to rebutt. But right now, I think as hard as it is to be happy all the time, I think dz is right. It is even harder to live up to people's expectations for being happy all the time.

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