Sunday, April 30, 2006 | 4:12 AM
Was looking through all my photos, and am suddenly struck by this revelation that it is really hard to compartmentalise and pack all of them into certain folders. Simply because they are a lot of different things to me.
I tried this sometime ago, and it was hard. I tried it just now and still it was.
It is same with people, isnt it?
You cant expect people to behave the same way you see them everyday, simply because they are made of 18 years worth of experiences and of which gave them different parts of themselves. You never know, one day, in the middle of something, someone's behavior changes suddenly and you may be shocked coz you never know the person would behave this way.
Have you taken a step backward and taken a look at all the connections and interactions you have with the people around you recently?
But I just cant leave my photos in unnamed photos. Neither can I leave myself unsure of people.
So I can only hope that the next time I look at a flower under my folder, I can remember when, and where I took it. And if I was alone, and if it was raining.
And at a class photo, and wonder, that flower which I took, when did I take it during the outing. And how was everyone when the picture was taken.
The problem with pictures is that they may say a thousand words, yet they almost never tell the complete story.
And we forget.
I tried this sometime ago, and it was hard. I tried it just now and still it was.
It is same with people, isnt it?
You cant expect people to behave the same way you see them everyday, simply because they are made of 18 years worth of experiences and of which gave them different parts of themselves. You never know, one day, in the middle of something, someone's behavior changes suddenly and you may be shocked coz you never know the person would behave this way.
Have you taken a step backward and taken a look at all the connections and interactions you have with the people around you recently?
But I just cant leave my photos in unnamed photos. Neither can I leave myself unsure of people.
So I can only hope that the next time I look at a flower under my folder, I can remember when, and where I took it. And if I was alone, and if it was raining.
And at a class photo, and wonder, that flower which I took, when did I take it during the outing. And how was everyone when the picture was taken.
The problem with pictures is that they may say a thousand words, yet they almost never tell the complete story.
And we forget.
|
Friday, April 28, 2006 | 5:30 AM
Seen at dragonboat fun race.
|
| 5:21 AM
Life saver seen during dragonboat fun race.
I love orange =D
|
Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 2:00 AM
Has the past few years of my life been spent doing the same thing? I really cant remember. Have I always been going around just being quiet at times and more extroverted at times? Like when I am doing my work, I demand peace and quiet and such. That if I am with the gang, we can just simply chat about random things and many more. Did I feel just as stressed about people relations or freak out over the smallest things then?
Becuase it appears that this is how my life is right now, and it is very likely that it could have been so for the past few years too. Just that there are so many incidents that I cant remember. And that is this going to be how I am gona live the remainder of my life?
Sometimes you have to wonder about what makes a person live on. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and wonder what I have been doing with my life. That why I am still as unknowledgable about the world as I was, and how there are things which I cant accept, or things that I cant figure out. And do not have the courage to live on.
See, I just may not live past 50.
Arent you suppose to become a better or wiser person as you grow older? Then why cant I live my life as happily or as satisfactorily as I hope I can?
I am so scared one day that I am living a life not of my own. That I still dont have the guts and power to change my life.
That I may step into the society without learning still, how to beef up my armour and not get injured by mere leaves from random trees. I dont want to, at the age of 21, still get upset over little things, because I believe at that point in time, the mental turmoil is likely to be worse, yet reprieve will be even further away.
Do I sound angsty? Whoops. I actually am not right now. Just clearing some thoughts that have been stuck in my head for some time.
So ya better read my lips,
"I-am-not-cynical."
Well, not yet anyway.
|
Monday, April 24, 2006 | 3:57 AM
I want to change my armour.
It is not bloody working. And my armour-maker has since left for the plains.
Even the merest wind rattles and echoes like sound waves once they manage to slip through the cracks in my armour.
And the swords and daggers pierce throgh my defence effortlessly.
I am so tired of having to suffer the bitter wind, the sharp blast of wind from a dagger thrust, a sword cut.
I want the wounds to stop the damn bleeding so I can heal and move on.
|
Thursday, April 20, 2006 | 7:33 AM
Reached home to find the flowers dropping. Not in those turn brown and wilt off manner, but as if the graceful hands of the wind gently pluck them off the stems. All the while, pelting them with gentle tears.
Kind of sad actually, they bloomed for such a short time. And while these photos were taken, the slight gust of wind sent more blooms off their perches on the branches, and they fell everywhere over the pots and ground.
Taken after a nice misty shower of rain in the evening.
The refreshing storm that in its destruction, creates a new canvas, on which a new day's worth of thoughts can be painted upon.
For that, I am thankful, for I have found km again.
And sometimes, all I want, is the quiet after the rain. Even leaves have days when they dont want to sing. 
Please let it last.
|
| 6:46 AM
It has been a loonng week. Last night, my head was suddenly felt as if there was something huge with a 0.5 cm distance from the skull, rattling merrily to any slight stimulus or movement.
It struck somewhere during GP and stayed till I went home till around 10 in the night. Which led to a chain of reactions. Well I started work late cox I cant really work on complex numbers when I am incapicitated by a throbbing headache which creates pain waves everytime I move my head. I guess had I been in a good mood, I would have blast the radio and shake my head like a maracca to some rock song. But noooo. I believe almost the whole world should know by now that mk is not exactly humane, much less when she is in great discomfort ( read: pain) so yep, I did the world a great service and went to sleep my headache off.
Oh well, it returned this morning. I think it was the combined powers of 1. waking up 1 hr late, 2. forgetting to get my coffee which brought my headache back, along with sleep inducing powers. It was horrible. I fell asleep during 1 lecture, 2 tutorials . You get the idea.
Mean to be saying some stuff but I am struggling with some instincts to self censor at the moment.
I am trying not to flee now, though the wind is kinda blowing me in that direction. GAH.
|
Sunday, April 16, 2006 | 1:17 AM
I cant really make up my mind to call it a hot or warm day.
But the thick and fluffy heat wrapping around everyone in the Sat noon felt as if it was a very dense cloud of cotton candy floss, hot off the machine.
The stickiness of the heat, and the delicious colours of the flowers which bring to mind days of wandering around the beach, in tropical heat, heating candy floss with friends.
All photos taken in school compound, with the pics of flowers taken outside canteen, above tennis courts. I had a fight with the probability tutorial, and decided to elope with my camera instead.
|
Thursday, April 13, 2006 | 7:06 AM
Finally, the roaring waves in my head have subsided again. And while the sandcastle is still vulnerable to the sea, it should probably hold for a while.
And again, I can taste the sweet songs of the rain as their voices join in a chorus. And hear the refreshing crispness of the tart notes.
What was it about spherical oil drops and E fields and B fields again?
Picture taken in KTV room at Leen's house.
|
Wednesday, April 12, 2006 | 2:26 AM
One by one, the browned leaves that look as if they belong on the tree for eternity fell off.
They prance down the path to the ground, the rustling they make their chanting of a litany cursing the wind for causing the separations.
The wrinkled, gnarled branches that look as if they can bear the wieght of all those little leaves till the ends of time finally snapped, and with a sickening crunch, meet the ground on their way down to hell.
Leaving large holes in the trunk, which had it been possible, shed blood for the loss of limbs, but instead, mirror the empty soulless eyes of zombies.
What tree dare stands against the blazing sun who killed the clouds two centuries ago, in a battle over the fair Lightning, surrounded by a graveyard of dead plants?
None, and all that is left of those who dare fight, is a rotten, decaying stump, much like a grey and withered human heart.
|
Sunday, April 02, 2006 | 4:10 AM
It has been a long week. Survived it. Cant recall the exact time when the wounds started closing a little, but yeah, somehow the blood has dried, and are flowing more strongly than ever.
This I promise you.
Interestingly enough, at this point in time, there are still relationship woes. Not much to say. except that, audible longwinded sighs and post exams breakups suck. There are also people who make me worried, because the light has gone out in their eyes. If their grip now loosens on the ladder, they might fall, soundlessly, and I honestly dont know what I will feel or do. I guess I sounded like one of those people once.
Anyway, met up with the gang on last Sat.
So I shall quote yj and jas, "MK is not a suitable person to watch horror movies with!!"
Well, add that to the list which says "MK is not suitble for playing scary games!!"
Haha, both yj and jas are claiming that I scare them more than the movie did with my sudden screams. Both cited the example of me screaming despite everyone knowing that something scary is gona happen to the female lead, and were not screaming. But because I screamed, they got a shock and some screamed too.
Anyway, it has been ages since I get to come online. And there is something I feel like stranggling but cant. Maybe I print out the words, "Sont Imagestation" and crush the paper in my hands but it isnt gona make me feel much better. So I am uploading the photos on shutterfly now. Sigh. Am dying from the attempt cox I just have to have captions for every pic, and have them arranged in a theme. *throws hands up in exasperation*
Not thinking right right now. I think abstainence from blogging effectively reduces my time wasted. However, I still cant make out how to improve on my brain's info retention capacity. Bloody hell. I dont have time to revise the block tests. Everyone seems content to let us do corrections on our own in our free time, yet still choose to bog us down with so much work. Or maybe it is just me la. I am the only dumb shit which needs such a long time to do my tutorials. I am the loser who despite studying so hard, still do much worse than everyone else. Loser loser loser.
Okay, maybe I can stop sitting in front of the com for a start.